Living at home with a messy person is a constant struggle for those who love to clean after themselves. It’s not like you can throw them out or tell them to find another home. How do you motivate someone not to be messy even if they would rather do nothing all day?
Sit down and talk about the problem calmly, because when you keep nagging the person, the effect is usually the opposite of what you intended. Ignoring the problem will also not solve it, that is why you should talk agreeing on a solution that will be the most beneficial to you both. This can be especially stressful if you’re living with a friend or a schoolmate, so be sure to make the person understand what you want from him/her without resorting to insults.
Maybe your roommate is just lazy at organizing his/her stuff but is not necessarily dirty. The latter can mean that the person does not clean up leftover food or does not pick up his/her trash. A messy person still tries to keep his/her stuff neat, but does not make an effort to organize them properly. If the person is just messy, then there is still hope, but if he/she is dirty, then you need to emphasize why he/she needs to clean up the mess because it could cause diseases, attract vermin, and produce bad odors. A person will not change overnight just because you’re irritated, so you need to be realistic about what changes you want to see.
If you cannot stand the mess in your shared bedroom, then maybe it’s time to move out of the room. The simple solution sometimes is just to walk away from difficult people. But if he/she is willing to compromise, then you should also respect his/her space. Maybe the person will feel guilty once he/she finally sees the differences in how you organize your things. Don’t force yourself to clean up after their mess, because that’s not your job.
If the person agrees to help you with the cleaning chores, then you need to set up a schedule to divide the work. Don’t expect him/her to transform into a cleaning machine overnight, because that will not happen. Instead, inspire him/her to form a habit of cleaning until it becomes second-nature to him/her. If the inspirational talk and pictures of a clean room versus a messy room do not work, however, make your roommate watch an episode of Hoarders or other reality shows about dirty houses. Maybe they will change their mind about piling their clothes on the chairs next time.
Relationships are gifts if it is managed well. If not, it can become a curse leaving you broken. If you are into a relationship right now, you have to determine if you have a healthy relationship. Healthy relationship means being independently happy but also taking into account the needs of your significant other. Not the type that you always find yourself sacrificing for the happiness or wellbeing of your partner before putting yours.
Perhaps you heard about codependent relationship. Codependency is a concept that describes extreme emotional or psychological reliance on your partner. This concept is used for partners with greater needs of support due to addiction or illness. If your partner is neither, it is time that you think twice. Your relationship may be dysfunctional.
It is time that you understand it. Codependency also refers to a pattern of behaviour for someone who continuously seek for the approval of his/her significant other. The approval is for identity and self-worth. Here are some things that you need to know about codependent relationship:
Cause
Truth is anyone can turn out to be codependent. It is just that there are people who are affected by their circumstance more than the others. For example, those who grew to abusive parents are more likely to experience codependent relationships. Growing up, these kids will undermine their own needs just to please their parent.
Signs
If you are into a relationship now, it is important that you learn to identify if it is a codependent one. Signs include unable to feel satisfaction in your life without that specific person and giving support to your partner even if it means sacrificing your own physical, emotional and mental health. If you are too blinded to see, you should now hear the words of the people around you. Oftentimes, they will say that you are in a codependent relationship.
Impact
Putting the needs of your loved ones first before your own can be unhealthy. It can exhaust you mentally, physically and emotionally that you begin to neglect other relationships around you.
Change
You have to change but breaking up is not necessarily the only option. It takes time to repair a dysfunctional relationship but if both parties learned their lesson and are willing to make things better, it can be possible. The first thing the couple need is to set the boundaries and it is recommended that they talk about it. If it can’t be helped, there are many professionals here in Singapore out there willing to offer or assist you.
